I wanna run away. I'm done with this gross winter weather. Let's go where the sunshines forever and ever.

Post anything that you want, and post it anonymously. Anything.
A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love - anything. Be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post twice if you'd like. Then, put this in your LJ to see what your friends (and perhaps others who you don't even realize read your LJ) have to say.

Hey does anyone know how to change what it says where you post comments. Let me know if you do!

Firgured out the mind reading thing. Wow I'm a smart person

[10 Bands You've Seen Live ]
1. Blink 182
2. Jimmy Eat World
3. Simple Plan
4. Dashboard
5. Our Lady Peace
6. New Found Glory
7. Unwritten Law
8. MXPX
9. Reel Big Fish
10. Good Charolette

[09 Things You're Looking Forward To]
1. Going home
2. Seeing my friends
3. Christmas
4. Semester to be over (no more history!)
5. Sleeping
6. The Gathering
7. My friends at school to come back from home!
8. Rudy coming here next year (well, he better!)
9. Finding my one true love

[08 Things You Wear Daily]
1. My Rings
2. Star Necklace
3. Underwear ;)
4. Glasses or contacts
5. My Shoes
6. Somekind of shirt
7. Jeans
8. A hairband

[07 Things That Annoy You]
1. Backstabbers
2. Not having a job :(
3. Customers at VFC
4. Assholes
5. liars
6. Junk Mail
7. that my friends are so far away!

[06 Things You Touch Every Day]
1. Computer
2. Books
3. CD player
4. CDs
5. Phone
6. Door knob

[05 Things You Do Every Day]
1. Sleep
2. talk to Jessica
3. Shower
4. Eat
5. listen to music

[04 People You'd Want to Spend More Time or Hang out With]
1. Jessica
2. Rob
3. All my boys from home!
4. John

[03 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over]
1. When Harry Met Sally
2. Three to Tango
3. The Whole Nine Yards

[02 Of Your Favorite Songs At This Moment]
1. Picture
2. Say Anything

[01 Person You Could Spend the Rest of Your Life With]
1. I don't really know...out of the people I know now I would say Matt

Yesterday (Monday) started out very bad. My car broke down on the way back from dropping my borther off at soccer at 8 in the morning. I got it into VFC's parking lot so the gas station was there which is good. And get this...Bryan gave me a ride home. Intresting. So, I just sat on my ass for a few hours because I felt (and looked) like shit. Took a shower around noon.

I felt better after my shower. I talked to Rob for awhile. It was a really good conversation and it just put me in the best mood ever. Things seemed to be going really good with him. I felt really good the remainder of the afternoon.

Rob was supposed to call that night but never did. Was I surprised? Nope. He was at Sammy's so we eventually stopped there and we talked on the porch for a little bit. Things seemed to still be going good. Then, he was the one who would finally bring up breaking up. And we did. It was pretty much mutal but I guess you could say he broke up with me if you want to get technical. We started talking about it and he was saying how the situation was really shitty (which made me feel good, for some reason) when Brian and Andy came in the front and we ended up at the college. Didn't really talk to Rob. I tried to and he kind of had an attitude but not really? I think I was just over reacting. Told Ronny what happened. Did something stupid on the ride home. Rob was in the front of Jessica's truck and I was in the back between Jon and Ronny and I totally flirted hardcore with Jon. It was pretty bad. I was 'fine' until we dropped Rob off at home. Then the tears came. We took Jon and Ronny to Sammy's, then Jessica and I went to my house. I basically cried the whole night. But Phil made me feel better. So, my day ended pretty crappy.

This morning I cried on and off quite a bit. I felt okay for awhile and then I cried somemore. But, then I just felt better. I called him and we talked for a few minutes because Brian came to pick him up. I mean, I think I was mainly upset about the situation and I was afraid he was mad at me. And, I think I kind of wanted it to last a little longer but maybe it is for the best that it's over now. I in a way miss him, but also what do I have to miss? Being second to everything else in his life? Getting pissed because he never calls me? Seriously, at times, our relationship was more of a friendship. I love talking to him on the phone and he's a nice guy, but it really sometimes seemed like we weren't going out. I mean, that was mainly because we were both trying not to get involved but still. I might call him tomorrow if I get a chance because I would like to keep in touch with him.

Wow...onyl four more days till I leave. That seems so weird...

~Jessica

So things have been going pretty good I guess. Yesterday was an okay day. I worked late, of course. It was pretty slow so I got to face for an hour and a half. Talked to Chris a lot. He is awesome! We talked about stereotypes and stuff. It was a cool conversation. Then I came home, changed, then went to Sammie's. Rob and Andy were playing. After Rochelle left, I got to be banker. The game would have ended about an hour ealier than it actually did but Andy kept letting Rob slide on rent and shit. We put two hotels on Boardwalk and Park Place. lol. Then, after the game we all went home. Said goodbye to Rob and all that. Then I got home and called Jessica. We talked about a lot of stuff and she made me feel better. Here's a conversation that happened before I got to Sammie's:

Rochelle (to Jess): Which one likes Jessica?
Rob: Me.

That made me so happy! I just wonder where all this is going to go. I like him a lot but I am leaving soon. I admitted to Jessica that if he were to ask me out, I may say yes. I really like him. Hopefully things keep going well.

Today I worked in the morning. It was an okay day. We were one shift short but I still got to leave a little early. Jessica came in to drop off Caitlyn just as I went up to count down. So we talked about stuff. Oh, and I had a really meaningful conversation with Mike too!! Then I went to my cousin from Minnisota's graduation party. I haven't seen him in a while. He's so awesome. We went jetsking and all that good stuff. We are going to e-mail and all that good stuff. Hey, finally have a cousin my age that I can be close to.

I'm just staying here tonight. I want to go see Rob but I'm here. What can you do? I might go get food later though because I am starving. Brandon is going to call me. So I guess that is it. I'll write some other time.

~Jessica :)

I feel like crap. I'm getting sick. Thank you to everyone that got me sick (mom, ed, joe...lol). Anyway, today was decent. Slept till 11 when Kate called. Well, I actually got up at 8 to take my car in but then I went back to bed. Kate and I went to Media Play, the thrift store, and then to Coney for some lunch. Then I had to work 3-9....not too bad. I talked to Mike a lot and he gave me some good advice that I really am going to follow...I just need the opportunity to do it. I NEED SOMEONE TO COME ONLINE RIGHT NOW!! Hopefully this person will soon...I can't miss this chance. I miss everyone that I see in school. That's the one thing that sucks about break. Tomorrow is a do nothing day so perhaps I will clean my room finally. That would be a good thing to do. Well, I think that's all for now. Later!

~Jessica :)

51% addicted to Instant Messenger. How about you?

Yeah right. lol. Anyway, I did go to the mall and I didn't buy the pants...instead I spent 80 some dollars on make up. lol. Oh well...it's worth it. I still have applications to finish. I WANT THEM TO BE DONE WITH!!! Maybe I should do that now...nope too tired. lol. I will tomorrow I think. hehe. Talk to all of you later!

~Jessica :)

Guess what. I have white out on my hands. lol. So, I'm going to try my best to make tomorrow fun. I'm going to have some 'gifts' for some 'special people.' lol. I think they will enjoy them. I LOVE YOU ADAM!! lol. Anyway, I am going to the mall today and I am excited. Maybe mommy will buy me the $50 pants. yeah right. Oh, I'm laughing hard about that one. hehe. Well, one can hope. I don't really need those pants anyway...actually I DO!!! AHHH!! I'm going to cry. I think th potato in the microwave is going to blow up. ahhhh!!! maybe I should go check it. Or not. I want to see what it looks like blown up. If I see it I'll let you know. lol. No, really, I think I need to check it. I'll talk to ya all later. LOVE YA ALLL!!

~Jessica :)

Hye everyone!! How are you today? I am pretty good I must say. Nothing to really complain about all that much. School has been okay except for Math. i'm going to fail the test we are getting on Friday. So yeah...that will be intresting. I so tired today but I have stuff to do. lets see...I have the cheer thing at Carter today and then i have to take my brother to work. Oh joy! Then my mom and I are going to the mall I think. ALL I WANT TO DO IS SLEEP!! That would be nice. Sleep is good. Well, I don't know what else to write. There's only eight mor eminutes of class. YEAH!! Oh, guess what. Cibo's is the best ever!! lol. Later

~Jessica :)

"Screaming Infidelities"
-Dashboard Confessionals

I'm missing your bed, I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak
& this bottle of beast is taking me home.
I'm cuddling close to blankets and sheets
You're not alone & you're not discreet.
You make sure I know, who's taking you home.
I'm reading your note over again.
There is not a word that I comprehend,
except when you signed it
"I will love you always & forever"

As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,
and sit alone and wonder...
how you're making out.
But as for me I wish that I was anywhere...
With anyone...
making out

I'm missing your laugh, how did it break?
And when did your eyes begin to look fake?
I hope you're as happy as your pretending.
I'm missing your bed, I never sleep.
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to sleep.
And this bottle of Beast is taking me home.

Your hair.
It's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities.
Taking it's wear.


I saw this video on MTV2 today so I had to dl the song and now I love it. It's a great song...at least I think so. Game was sucky. Don't really want to get into it. I think I'm going to go read the novel for English now. Night night!

~Jessica :)

I hate feeling helpless. I hate when someone that I do care about feels upset and I can't help them. I just don't know what to do. I want to do something but I just can't. sigh. I have the game tonight...grr. Well, I got to go. That's all I have to say...

~Jessica

"A Thousand Miles"

Making my way downtown
Walking fast
Faces passed
And I'm home bound

Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making my way
Through the crowd

And I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder....

If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
'Cause you know I'd walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you
Tonight

It's always times like these
When I think of you
And I wonder
If you ever
Think of me

'Cause everything's so wrong
And I don't belong
Living in your
Precious memories

'Cause I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder....

If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
'Cause you know I'd walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you
Tonight

And I, I
Don't want to let you know
I, I
Drown in your memory
I, I
Don't want to let this go
I, I
Don't....

Making my way downtown
Walking fast
Faces passed
And I'm home bound

Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making my way
Through the crowd

And I still need you
And I still miss you
And now I wonder....

If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass us by
'Cause you know I'd walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you...

If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
'Cause you know I'd walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you
If I could
Just hold you
Tonight


Such a good song...just say three thousand miles and it's all good. lol. It's still a good song.

OMG...I think I actually went one full day without writing in here!!! Yesterday was pretty good. I found out a got an A on the physics test and that I only got four wrong on the psychology test. I was excited. Then Ugly Man was pretty awesome. It was so funny...i loved all the old school SNL skits. hehe. Today was decent. Pep rally went ok...can't believe it's my last one ever! Justin's speech made me sad :( I realized something too...a part of me wants to leave and gt out of high school while the other part is sad. I mean, I am so excited to leave and i want to get to college but there are parts i'll miss. Not the politics and popularity contests but oh well. I got my nails done today and they look good. I'm excited for tomorrow!! YEAH!! Well, that's it for now...it's hard to type with nails.

~jessica :)

I was feeling kind of blah like about five minutes ago but now I'm okay I think. I'm talking to Andy and Randy so maybe they are just helping me take my mind off of things. But there is something I need to write about and it will be hard cuz I don't want to mention names but I'll try. Basically, there's something I want to tell someone but I'm not sure if I should. First of all, I'm not sure if what I want to tell them is exactly what I am thinking. You know what I mean? And second of all I am just scared of what will happen if I tell them. But then again, if I don't tell them, like I didn't tell someone before, I could miss out on something. Ahh!! I'm so confused. I asked one of my friends what to do and they gave some good advice but I'm still not sure what to do. Enough thinking about that. Think of good things....Today was a good day except for hurting my back. Oh well. Tomorrow will be fun I hope. I'm going tanning then to Ugly Man. SCORE!! Then Friday is the dance. I might not be going to the party now but that's okay. I should still have some fun. Well, I gotta go. Later all!!

~Jessica :)

Here's my favorite song for the time being.

Wrong Impression
Natalie Imruglia
VERSE
Calling out, calling out
Haven't you wondered
Why I'm always alone
When you're in my dreams
Calling out, calling out
Haven't you wondered
Why youre finding it hard-
just looking at me

I want you
But I want you to understand
I leave you
I love you

CHORUS
Didn't want to leave you with-
the wrong impression
Didn't want to leave you with my-
last confession
Of love
Wasn't trying to pull you in the-
wrong direction
All I wanna do is try and make-
a connection
Of love

VERSE
Falling out, falling out
Haven't you wondered
If this was ever more than a-
crazy idea
Falling out, falling out
Haven't you wondered
What we could've been, if you'd-
only let me in

I want you
But I want you to understand
I miss you
I love you

CHORUS
Didn't want to leave you with-
the wrong impression
Didn't want to leave you with-
my last confession
Of love
Wasn't trying to pull you in the-
wrong direction
All I wanna do is try and make a-
connection
Of love

I need you
I love you
------------------------------------------------------

Aww...such a nice song. I've been listening to it constantly since I downloaded it. yeah!! And Brad is such a sweetie. I'm so happy I am going with him to sweetheart. I'm so lucky to have him for my best friend. I love my Bradley!! Like right now, he is freaking out about about a notecard he lost of mine. awww....it's okay though. I'll just make another one. Today was a decent day. (Decent is my new word.) I didn't fail the quiz in physics. Instead I got a C. woohoo!! lol I think I will do good on the test tomorrow. umm...slept in Psychology today cuz I was way tired. Hope I do good on that test. Newspaper I got bitched out for shit. Oh well. Nothing new. I am so almost done with my schloarship essays. Cheer for me!! I sat around after school again today. lol. I be lazy. Then there was practice. It's weird to think this was the last practice. Oh darn. lol. But I feel bad cuz it's my fault Erin hurt her finger. I CAN'T DO THIS!! sorry Erin. lol. Thursday should be intresting. hmmm...I'm doing good on the no more being depressed thing. I realized like two seconds ago that the only times I really was sad today was my own fault cuz I set myself up for it. So hopefully I will do better tomorrow. let's hope hope hope. hehe. Well, I think I have written about everything now. Oh Randy - Your sweatshirt is all nice and clean now. I'll have it for you tomorrow. hehe. Night all!!

~Jessica ;)

I decided today that Jimmy Eat World is the best band in the world. I can be in any mood and one of their songs will fit my mood perfectly and be just what I need at that moment. Their CD Bleed America is just awesome! In second place is Sum 41 because they are just so fun and I love their music. I saw two videos on MTV2 today. I was way excited. And they were two I had never seen before. So that was cool. Work sucked as always but oh well. I'm happy New England won. It was an awesome finish. I listened to it on the way home from work. Malcom in the Middle is about to come on. Finally!! No sleep for Jessica tonight that means. lol. Oh well. I'm not tired anyway. My neck hurts a lot though. poo. Oh well. Well, I'm done writing I think. I'll see ya all tomorrow.

~Jessica :)

Here's my essay. Let me know what you think. I'm quite proud of myself.

A flashing cursor on a computer screen can annoy a person beyond belief, especially if the person has a paper due within a few hours and is experiencing every writer?s worst nightmare ? writer?s block.
Writer?s block is defined as ?a usually temporary psychological inability to begin or continue work on a piece of writing.? The words of the definition seem to describe writer?s block lightly. Writer?s block does not feel like a ?temporary inability.? We feel as though we will never get past out writer?s block. The definition also leaves out the feelings of frustration and panic that we feel as we face writer?s block. A million questions run through our mind as we stare at that annoying cursor.
?How am I ever going to get this done??
?What am I going to write about? What am I going to do??
?Why can?t I think of anything??
?Why do I have to write this??
?Why am I experiencing this now??
I experienced a severe case of writer?s block as I attempted to write this definition essay. I picked my brain for days trying to think of something, anything to write about. I had some ideas, such as loneliness and greed, but I could not get the words on the paper. I even thought about my paper at night and lost sleep over it. As my time began to wear thin, I felt very frustrated and worried.
A number of different factors cause writer?s block. We experience writer?s block when we beat ourselves up over what we have written or not written and lose faith in ourselves, obsess over what we must write, set unreachable expectations for ourselves, and panic. As I tried to write this essay, I went through all of these factors. I felt extremely angry with myself for not being able to write this essay. I told myself I would never be able to write this paper and I should just give up. At some points, I wanted to but I knew I couldn?t.
I thought about this paper every waking hour of the day. As I sat in Physics, I would think, ? I need a symbol for loneliness. What can I use?? when I should have been thinking about work and power. I would come home and stare at the evil cursor and think, ?What can I write?? At cheerleading practice and basketball games, between throwing girls up in the air and cheering the Patriots to victory, I would wonder, ?Maybe I could write about greed. But what about it?? The more I thought about this essay, the harder it became to write.
I expected myself to be able to sit down at my computer, ignore that cursor, and write this beautiful essay that would make my readers? jaws drop. I ignored the reality of my situation. I had to take time with my essay and let the essay evolve. I didn?t want to deal with that. I could easily write my other essays and I expected the same ease with this essay. However, I experienced a challenge with this essay. And since I could not just sit down and write this amazing paper I wanted, I began to beat myself up again, which only made my case of writer?s block even worse.
Finally, I panicked. I sat down at my computer early Sunday morning, stared at the stupid cursor for a few more minutes and then I cried. I convinced myself I would never be able to write this paper. I would walk into class tomorrow and have nothing to turn in. I told myself that every other student would have these beautiful essays to turn in and I would have nothing. Through the tears, I tried to write about loneliness yet again. I only got two sentences on the paper when I began to cry more. I felt like writing this paper was a lost cause.
Taking my mother?s advice, I took yet another break from my paper. I began to boil water to make tea to try to calm myself. As the water heated up, I sat back down in my chair and stared at the awful cursor more. I then realized how bad my case of writer?s block had become. When the teakettle whistled, I had an opportunity to escape the cursor and make my tea. As I opened the cabinet to get a tea bag, a felt a light bulb turn on above my head. I could use writer?s block as the topic for my essay. I raced back to the computer with my tea and began to type. The cursor no longer seemed as intimidating and I finally wrote my essay.
Writer?s block may seem like an unbeatable disease, but if we try to confront our problem by not panicking, we can deal with it. The worst thing we can do when confronting writer?s block is ignore it and expect it to just go away. While I know I cannot write a paper on writer?s block every time I face it, I hope I have learned from this experience and can deal with writer?s block in an easier way the next time I face it.


I feel so relieved!!! Hope you liked it. I got to go get ready for work now. Oh blah!!

~Jessica :)